Ana Pires 2.0

The first week of college has ended.

As great as it is, I’m starting to worry. Not about college, not really. It doesn’t seem very different from high school if you ask me. The biggest difference is that I have to wake up at 6 in the morning.

What I’m worrying about is my weight. You remember how I lost 30 pounds and was really happy? Well, I’m still on my perfect weight of 110 pounds, and I’m still happy. I’ve kept my healthy habits of eating right and exercising since then, and I really do feel healthy.

But now with college…

Instead of working out five to six times a week, I only have time to work out three times a week. Thirty minutes, three times a week, is not much. But I guess I can deal with it, I’ll just have to keep a close eye on that scale and maybe be a bit more careful on my eating. I might give up a toast in the morning (I usually have two) and have coffee instead. Something simple, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it even before knowing if it’ll actually affect my weight.

But then, there’s the eating part too. There are two days during the week that I cannot come home to eat. Which means I have to eat in Lisbon. And after a week, I’m getting scared. I seriously had no idea how difficult it was to find a good variety of healthy food around the place. I mean, going out for a special dinner is one thing, and you end up eating wherever, since you know it’s only going to be that once, on that special day.

Twice a week, for a full year however, that’s a bit different. I have to walk for 15 minutes to get to a mall with the “Vitaminas” (healthy food only) store in it. And my friends, they can get really annoying on the subject. As I said on the last post, don’t have the same problems as I do, and that’s great for them, it really is. I understand they don’t want to walk for 15 minutes to go eat with me, when they have fast food restaurants right next to college. But it kind of vexes me that they don’t even try to understand my side. But then again, I understand they don’t, because they’ve never been in the position of someone who has to keep a close eye on their weight.

I can’t eat that kind of food. Getting back the weight, or even just half the weight I had before, would literally destroy me. It would make me the the most unhappy, shamed, less confident person alive. And after going through everything I went through to get to this weight, there’s no way I’m letting that happen.

I’m fine with eating alone, I have to say I kind of enjoyed it last Thursday. But I do get the fact that it may come out as rude. That’s not my intention, really! I enjoy eating with you people, but try to understand me.

I’m really scared of getting overweight again. I don’t want to obsess or get sick over it, after all, college has just started, and nothing has happened yet. But I am scared, and I am going to be even more careful from now on. Don’t be mad at me and don’t think badly of me. It’s just the way it is, okay?

… Wow, this came out quite a ramble, didn’t it?

Today I went to college to have classes for the first time.

At 6 in the morning, my clocks (yes, plural) woke me up. Surprisingly, I got up fairly well. Even though I only fell asleep at around 2 in the morning, which gave me 4 hours of sleep. I guess since I was excited about the day, it was easy, even being tired. I don’t know. And you want to hear something funny? Since I’ve just had a teeth whitening treatment, I can’t drink coffee, not just yet. I had four hours of sleep, and I couldn’t have coffee.

Oh, whatever! I didn’t need coffee! I had decided this was going to be a good day, and the fact that I hardly had any sleep was not going to stop that from happening!

So I eat and I head to the bathroom. I put on my makeup, some perfume, my 10Kg bag. A smile, and there I go, off to catch the 06:55 bus. I get to the train station at around 10 past seven and can barely make it to the 07:17 train, along with my two friends from high school.

The actual day in college had different phases. Meeting the teachers was great. I have some pretty cool ones. Some, meaning a couple, yeah. There’s some, however, one specially, who is so, but so boring. By the time of that class I was tired and my head was hurting already, but seriously, I don’t think he could have shown any less enthusiasm. And it was a class I thought I’d enjoy too, about something that greatly interests me.

By lunch, I went to a big mall, with plenty of places to eat. Plenty of places don’t interest me much, because I refuse to eat junk food, just because it’s everywhere and it’s more convenient. So I went to this great place called “Vitaminas”, which only sells healthy food. It was great!

… Even though I kind of got sick afterwards and didn’t eat much. Maybe because I was so tired, or maybe because I hadn’t eaten in a while, or even because I was really so very tired. And I couldn’t have coffee, perfect! The healer of all indispositions, headaches, and sleepiness, and I couldn’t have it. My friends seem to be getting tired of me and my picky habits in eating too, so I might start going out to eat alone.

That’s okay though, I don’t mind. And I was still clinging to the idea that this was going to be a good day, damn it. And it was, it really was, sort of.

In case you’re not Portuguese and don’t understand what that is, “Colocada” means I got into University!

I’m officially a college student. And on the course and college I wanted. The course is called “Languages, Literatures and Cultures” and it gives me more than 15 possibilities for a future profession. As you know, things in Portugal aren’t that good, so if I can’t find a good job on one area, I can look on another one, and still make use of my education. Because it’s kind of bad when you see people with a major degree working at a cash register somewhere…

I’m feeling so motivated and happy. It’s a bit scary, yeah, but so exciting at the same time!

And my schedule. We make the schedules ourselves here in Portugal, so we have some freedom to choose how busy we want our days to be. We have various possibilities of schedules, because it’s also up to how available the teachers are. But basically, there’s a number of subjects we must complete in order to pass the year, how we arrange those subjects is up to us, the students. I created mine in order to have a free Monday. I remember in high school when we had long weekends, because of some holiday or whatever, and I’d be just so damn happy. It was pure joy. To imagine that feeling, every week, for one year… It’ll be one happy school year!

Oh, and the “praxes”.
I need to address this, since everyone who’s going to college must be trembling with fear over it. The “praxe” is what you’d call hazing in English. The “praxes” however, can be refused. And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I don’t need to have my face painted, to be yelled at, to simulate orgasms, or to be called names to feel integrated and make friends. Yes, because, supposedly, that’s what the “praxes” here are for. Sure. I’m okay with the fact that some people seem to enjoy it, my friends from high school who are going with me for example, but just leave me out of it.

My thinking is, if I don’t allow that kind of treatment from anyone (and I do mean that), why would I allow it from some group of people I have never seen in my life? I’m confident enough that I can make friends on my own.

So, Monday - I’m sorry - Tuesday, I’ll be on my way for my first day of college. My first class will be English, with a very britishly named professor, which is great, I’m good in English. I’ll have to wake up around 6 in the morning, and have a 50 minute trip of bus, train and foot there, but I’ll still be happy and motivated!

Wish me luck!

I don’t want to know all your secrets, I don’t want to tell you all my secrets, I don’t want to talk about your evil parents, I don’t want to talk about your sex live, and I certainly don’t want to talk about all of it in a row and non-stop. Seriously.

Every once in a while, silence can be good. You don’t have to fear it or feel uncomfortable because of it. It’s okay.

When we’re online, you don’t have to answer every message I send immediately after I hit “Send”, just as I don’t have to answer every message you send immediately after you hit “Send”. Furthermore, we don’t have to speak all the time we’re online, just because we’re online. You can look over to the TV every once in a while, as I like to do. Or you can change the music on your iTunes. Or you can go to the bathroom if you wish. Heck, you can talk to other people at the same time!

Saying “Come on, say something” isn’t very polite either. I don’t go online on my Instant Messengers to entertain you. I don’t have to keep finding funny or witty things to say all the time so you don’t get bored. It makes you a tiring person to talk to. So stop.

I can’t be any more obvious. So please. Shut up every once in a while.

Thank you.

Yesterday I came here and ranted about how Diazepam, this supposedly great pill which is the generic to Valium, did nothing to me. Then I thought that maybe I just had to take more and for a longer period of time for it to work. I had only been taking five measly milligrams and right after dinner. By the time I went to sleep, the little effect it had had worn out.

I was right.

Last night, I slept from around one thirty to ten in the morning. I was so happy when I woke up and saw daylight. I slept for more than eight hours, and straight, I didn’t even wake up during the night!

Once I got up however, my head was hurting quite a bit. A lot, actually. I figured it was probably because I had just woken up and was hungry, so I had breakfast and started getting ready for my daily work out. But the pain was still there. I decided to lie down for just a bit, until I felt better. It must have been around ten thirty.

I fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was six thirty in the afternoon.

All together, I slept around sixteen hours. Sixteen hours! How on earth did I sleep sixteen hours?! I have never been able to sleep that long! Sixteen hours, that’s the equivalent to two nights of sleep.

So, new opinion. I love Diazepam. I just need to buy a new alarm clock. No, really. I just have to work on my dosage and timing. I’ll be very happy if it can help me control and fix my sleeping patterns. I won’t be taking anymore for now though. There’s a very clear warning that comes with the pills about how addictive they can be. And after these amazingly healing and relaxing sixteen hours, I can understand why people would let themselves become addicted…