Ana Pires 2.0

…equals me laughing myself silly.

First things first. The LOLCats. A Lolcat is an image combining a photograph of an animal, most frequently a cat, with a humorous and idiosyncratic caption in broken English referred to as Kitty Pidgin, or lolspeak (wikipedia). If you’re not familiar with any of this, visit the I Can Has Cheezburger Blog for plenty of lulz.

Moving on. Some people, as myself, find the lolcats and their lolspeak very witty and just plain hilarious. Quite a few of my acquaintances think it’s just stupid though. Well, this isn’t their blog, is it?

I visit all the lolcat blogs on a regular basis, and I really have lots of genuine fun with them. I only recently found out about this LOLBible though. And my question is, how on earth could I have missed such a thing?! And it has been around since July 2007?! How?!

After recovering from this fail… On reading the first page, the intention of all of this is to translate and modify the Christian bible, in order to make it a lolcat bible. Except for the plot, everything is changed, the writing, the seriousness and, specially, the characters. The description and explanation alone is funny and got me giggling, and since it’s obviously not intended to be offensive or anything, I moved on.

From Genesis 1, right at the beginning:

At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.

I understand this might seem incredibly stupid for anyone who doesn’t have a sense of humo- I mean, for anyone who doesn’t enjoy the lolcat culture, but this small quote caught me so off guard, I even cried because of the laughing. It’s six in the morning now and even after a sleepless night, I’m trying not to laugh too loud at this.

From Genesis 3:

An teh man said, teh woman u gave me saw teh tree An told ’bout it to me. At first I was liek “Noes!” but then, I was layk NOM NOM NOM.

So there. After finding a religion to my liking a while back, I have finally found another one worthy of mentioning. And I just remembered… About my rant on people who approach you on the street because of anything/everything? Well, I now know how to respond to the religious kind of approach.

May Ceiling Cat be with you. Ktkx.

These are now my most dreaded words to hear from a stranger on the middle of the street. Forget about the “wanna buy drugs kid?” or even the “give me your money”, this is worse.

I have nothing against people who have to sell something, like religions, some sort of household item, or even a membership for whatever group, by approaching you on the street. I understand they are all people and everyone’s got to make a living somehow.

But seriously. I have a mind of my own. If I am interested in something, then I’ll look it up and get it. I’ve just so many fliers by now. And that’s not even the main issue, fliers make sense and are bearable. I mean, how can I get whatever it is they are selling if I don’t know about it? But - with fliers or no fliers - why do those people have to follow me and harass me all the time? I’m starting to feel really paranoid about it, it’s like they’re all out to get me.

Not wanting to be mean or anything, but I do wonder… What are they trying to achieve approaching people like that, anyway? With religions, for example, do they expect to convert people right there, in the middle of the main avenue? Or when they’re trying to sell something, an apartment for example (no way I’m giving you my phone number, funny mustache man), do they expect the person to rent the apartment right there and then, without discussing prices or seeing the damn thing?

It can even become scary at times, when you try and walk away, and they follow you. You speed up your pace, and they are still there! It completely freaks me out, specially if I’m alone.

I have to say it used to be worse though. Before coming to University, I would be approached less times, but when they got me, they got me. I had no excuse to leave, and there were usually more of them. Not wanting to be rude, I’d just have to stay and hear whatever they had to say. Now, I have the two wonderful excuses: “I have to catch the train, sorry” and “I have a class, sorry”, depending on which way I’m headed. Then I run off looking really apologetic and busy.

Those are the times when I wish I had a more confrontational personality. I have friends who start speaking in German, as if they couldn’t speak Portuguese, in order to make the said sellers give up. And the funny thing is, they don’t even speak German.

Maybe I’ll try and do the same next time. I probably won’t have the guts, but still. I need a more polite and safe strategy. I’ll let you know if I ever think of one.

Exactly one month ago, it turned 11 years my Luna was born in a card box in the street. Today, it turns 11 years she came to our house.

She would fit the palm of my hand, she was so small. She’s getting older and sick now. She has small tumors all over her belly, and a big sack of liquid hanging out. The vet says it is just better to let it be. She’s not in pain, she eats normally, she uses the litter box fine. She’s comfortable and happy. I’m just hoping it keeps this way. I don’t know what I’d do without my baby Luna.

Silly thought: if she were human, she’d be getting into high school and hitting puberty soon! Aww!

Happy Anniversary!