Time to relax, first semester nearly finished.

I cannot tell you how wonderfully this semester went (well, I have, sort of, but anyway). If only I can keep it up…

I still have a few exams on February, but they’re all optional, the kind you take just to try and improve the grade from a subject you’ve already passed. It’s still something that calls for serious study, but the pressure is not nearly as much as on the exams that are actually a requisite to passing a subject. Those are extremely nerve wrecking. The last ones I had were no exception. I passed everything and managed to get pretty good grades, but it was still terrible.

I get really anxious. Even knowing all the information and having the clearest ideas of what I want to write, I sometimes mess up when it comes to articulating that information and ideas, because I’m nervous. It’s incredibly frustrating. And sometimes I don’t remember words, and even how they’re spelled… For example, on one particular subject with a very demanding professor, we were told that we’d lose a point for every spelling mistake we made on the exam. Which is understandable, really, since we’re in university. I don’t usually make spelling mistakes anyway, but just the idea of losing one full point for a simple slip… I started doubting every word I wrote, and I do mean every word.

Adding to all of that, I get paranoid too. When I stop writing to think something through or to move on to a different question, I look at other people and their exam papers, just to see how much they’ve written. The normal exam forms from my university have four pages for us to write on, so imagine how horrible it is when you’re really confident about your carefully written four or six pages long essay, and look at someone in the row in front of you to see a stack of exam forms in their desk, in addition to the one they’re writing on. Of course it doesn’t always mean anything, but, like I said, I get paranoid. “What does that person have so much to write about? What do they know that I don’t? Maybe I missed a question? Maybe what I wrote is just mediocre? Maybe I didn’t study enough? Maybe-”, etc etc.

I get really anxious, but I’m pretty sure everyone does so… For now, I’ll just forget about it all. Like I said, the next exams – which are actually only two – are optional, and I still have some time. So I’ve done nothing but relax this past week. I’ve been reading like crazy again. I mean, I read like crazy during university too, but for different purposes. While it can still be interesting and even enjoyable, it’s just not the same as when you’re reading for pleasure. My inner geek has been running loose too. There’s this website with this casual MMO and, yeah… And also, of course.

But I really did need this time to rest. I mean, the forth season of Prison Break started (here in portugal, that is), and I didn’t even know about it. I missed the first episodes of the forth season of Prison Break. Me. That’s just to show how much I’ve been studying.

I’ll go back to all of that Monday. And I’ll be working on my schedule for the next semester too. I’ve managed to keep one day free per week so far, meaning I have “only” been having classes four days a week for the past year and a half. Of course some of those days begin at 10AM and finish at 6PM, with no breaks at all, but I prefer it that way and I’m hoping to be able to do it again. That extra free day makes a huge difference. I get more time to rest and study, specially because it’s a week day and everyone else is at work. Hmmm, peace.

Well, it’s late. Time for some Aldous Huxley. Or maybe some Elie Wiesel. Maybe both.
Again, wish me luck for next week!